Wednesday, May 20

The Person I'm Trying to Become

For the past week or so I've forgotten to look in the mirror.

I've taken maybe a glance or two at myself, but not a good hard look. I'm not talking about a check my teeth, check my makeup, or check my bangs because remarks made by my seventh grade art teacher still haunt me kind of look. What I have neglected to do is take stock the person I'm trying to become.

Usually, when contemplating myself and my actions, I search for three things: faith, courage, and commitment. Since for me the very act of getting out of bed in the morning requires some measure of faith--a choice to believe what I know in my heart to be true, despite forces of opposition that try to convince me otherwise--I count being up and going as positives. Courage is a bit more complicated. Courage involves actually doing something over and above merely existing. If I'm moving forward at a steady pace in all the important areas of my life I'm doing alright. If not I know I need to reexamine the multi-faceted issue of faith.

Faith the sun will come up, faith my Father in Heaven and Savior love me, and faith in the truthfulness of the gospel I love all come easy. Faith in myself is the hard part. Prayer and scripture study reaffirm the knowledge of my potential. And, when I do exhibit courage, taking a step or two into uncharted zones where Heavenly father asks me to venture, my faith is strengthened.

I never cease to be amazed how faith and courage intertwine.

Commitment is my promise to myself and my creator (as well as to grandmothers who have passed on, but who still expect me to always do my best in their absence) that I will not stop having faith and courage until my very last breath, and then some.

So how did I allow myself to fall by the wayside?

It started with a few simple things--silly things, really--which, piled one on top of another in rapid succession this past several days, began to cause me a great deal of frustration. Today when the computer again refused to work, a temporary cap popped off my tooth, a swarm of hornets battled with me for rights to the mailbox, a friend's teenager caused a disaster I had to remedy, and a wild bird flew through the house leaving little evidences of its presence, I realized I'd spent ten hours accomplishing nothing of significance. I strode over to a mirror. Did I have a bull's-eye on my forehead? Was I marked for disaster?

Faith, courage, and commitment were definitely waning.

Funny how little bumps in the road of life can become daunting obstacles if we allow them to. The whining I felt inclined to do would not serve me well; I wanted more than a transitory fix. I put a smile on my face, wiped the bird poop off my hand, and started over.


Karen Hoover said...

Hugs, Lori! This too shall pass. You inspired me today and helped me remember what it's all about. Thank you for that.

Pink Ink said...

Good for you Lori. Sometimes it takes these "hurdles" to remind us of what we truly are made of underneath.

When I look at you I see a beautiful daughter of God. And I plan to take a look in my mirror and remind myself that I am one, too :-)

Lori Nawyn said...

Thanks for stopping by, Karen. I'm so happy that you found the post to be inspiring.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Lori Nawyn said...

Jewel, you are indeed a beautiful daughter of God. Thank you for seeing the same in me.

Haley Hatch Freeman said...

I love the way you write Lori! This post made me contemplate the connection with faith, courage, and commitment in a way I never had before.
I agree with Jewel that when I look at you I see a beautiful, faithful daughter of God.
And I agree with Karen that it was inspirational.

Lori Nawyn said...

Haley, thank you for your comments--they mean a lot. I'm so excited for you and Karen Eddington to meet this week, and for the wonderful messages of self-worth the two of you can provide to those who are searching. The two of you are awesome!

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